easy isn't always best

I will never regret having faith in someone. Even if all the odds are against them, or they have done it a thousand times so surely they will do it again, or the situation is impossible. Even if in the end all of those come to pass and everyone was indeed right. I will not regret having hope, however small it might be.

I stand on the other side of the gate, and I look back and see that had I said 'no' in the beginning it would make it alot easier to keep walking forward now. Yes, but easy isn't always best now is it. The most rewarding things I have ever had the pleasure to experience have been anything but easy.

I told you as you said you 'don't want to hurt me' that it's life, anything you invest your emotions in takes the risk of leaving you hurt. I believe the worst hurt of all is if you didn't take any risks and was content to keep your heart in a safe, combination lost, destined to beat it's last drum in the confines of a lonely metal box. Yes, you were worth the risk. I told you then and I say it now, I do not regret and you were worth the risk.

Of all the things my heart should feel, I can't find one of them. The only thing I can find is gratitude. I am grateful for the time, I am grateful for what I have learned, I am grateful that the Lord still reigns and He will never let me down, I am grateful oh but I am grateful that you are not the one. Even though I have dreamt of you in that way for 5 long months, you are not the one, and I am grateful. So thankful that the Lord in His mercy, made it known to me now rather then later.

I still find myself hoping, though. No, not for you and I, never again for you and I. I am hoping and it's all in the name of the Lord. I am not sad, oddly sadness has not come over me. I think it's because all this time I was still more in love with the Lord then I ever dreamt of being in love with you, I have not lost anything because He is still my portion and satisfaction, and through His grace I never allowed you to become that.

So I end this post with this conclusion, never again will I think of us as two lovers hopeful in future and tales of glories. You are just a man, one I thought about for a long time, but still just a man. I do not regret having faith in us or even the risk. I pray that another will cross your path and she will be found more hopeful and faithful then even I was. So I am done looking back, I am on this side of the gate now and it will be hard for a time, but my Lord will sustain me, He always does.