silence and surgery

So over this past week some of the most horrifying and the most incredible things have happened to me. I had my tonsils and my adenoids taken out as well as some chisling done in my nose. Never in a million years would I consider surgery and the thereafter to be pleasurable, and belie me it wasn't.
Aside from the nauseating I.V. and the pain killers that have made me feel like I am from another planet . Aside from the pain that I feel every time I swallow, or the nasty taste in my mouth after trying to eat anything. Aside from my diet consisting of sorbet and water, this time has brought me so much peace in my heart aside from all that.
I obviously have been very silent in the past few days, at first this was frustrating. If you know me at all you know I love to talk, so being denied that pleasure was frustrating. But I began to listen and I really heard so many things I didn't even know made noise. Like Selflessness; my mom and dad have been the most selfless people this week. They have slaved over my comfort and making sure i had my medicine on time even when it meant waking up at 4 in the morning to give it to me. It was a beautiful sound, I am so challenged by my parents beautiful selfless love that they have shown me.
Also peace, It has been like the eye in the middle of the storm. I think someone told me that in the eye of the storm it is completely calm. I was always flabbergasted by that, amongst all the voilent wind and choas there would be this perfect calm in the center. I have heard the sound the calm makes this week and it is beautiful.
And the sound of companionship, my dad held my hand through every minute of pain. I always thought that when I was in pain or scared at the hospital that someones hand to hold would be the last thing on my mind. My dad's hand being there made it all feel like a peice of cake...well maybe not that easy.
As much as I would love to resent this week of pain and hungering torture I can't help but be thankful for it. It has shown me a love that is deeper then I have ever felt and it has sang a song I have never heard before. I am content, even if i have to sit here for another week until I get better it's worth it all.

A weird sort of complacency

Lately I have been feeling still. Just no progress at all, I feel like I am going in circles and going through all the motions but not really getting anywhere. Like a treadmill or a stair master. I know this isn't always a bad thing and that sometimes it's the waiting that makes it good. I know that just because God is silent at times doesn't mean He doesn't exist. spell check just informed me that I have been spelling "exist" wrong all my life.
It's gotten to the point where I wont listen to any new music. It is an odd form of complacency but I used to hate it when people were closed minded about listening to new music. Now I just want what I know and I'm good. I want to thirst for the unknown again. To crave a new beat, to dance to something different. I mean that in more ways than one.
They say that after you do something the same for three weeks it becomes a habit. i read that in a book called the newspaper or the internet or something :]]. I have noticed all the random habits I have been building. just like routines that I am getting into, and honestly as comforting as that should be it dismantles my brain. I just want to run and be spontaneous and see that what I am doing is making a difference.
I am scared of this, but it in it's own way it is sort of adventurous. I don't know what it means to stay in one spot...i am just going to make sure it doesn't last any longer than 21/2 weeks...I don't want to make a habit out of this.

Today I woke up super late. Like two! I was not happy about it! I told myself the excuse that my body was making more blood that it lost yesterday when they stole some at the hospital. I decided to go on a walk with my dad at about 3. We just talked about my new job at abercrombie (ehh) and he told me some stories about his most recent marathon and I told him some stories about my 120 mile bike ride. It was wonderful.
The simplicity of just walking with someone you love, has the power to make you appreciate even the little things. The weather outside was incredible! I had not realized how much my skin missed the warm air outside until it tasted it today. I do hope the cold stays away, I hate being teased with bipolar weather tantrums. Also the smells outside. My nose has become very accustom to either not being able to smell at all or smelling gasoline or mall people. Today I felt like my nose had a five course meal, The smell of the trees and regrettably the hormonal, shirtless, highschool boys cross country team that passed by us a few times. The smell of the water and humidity. I forget about those tiny joys. As I walked alongside my dad today I praised God for His intricate and most beautiful creation. I am enthralled with the masterpeice He has designed, it brings out a reaction from every part of my being. Only a true artist can do that.

So go outside, dear friends, and praise Him. He deserves it!
-Kirsten

I'm Kirsten Anglea!! I'm a writer for the right reasons, I am a realist for the outlet it has become. I am an artist for the perspective. I am surrendered for the empowerment. I am in love with a living love. I am a wisher for the sound the penny makes when it hits the water. I look through clover patches for the chance that I might get lucky. I blow bubbles for a glimpse of my childhood. I run to break free. I sing to humble myself. I laugh to live. I live to love and receive love. I jump to the forefront for the attention. I slip to the back for the perks. I smile to cover up my embarrassment. I worship to proclaim. I dance to become melody. I strum to hear the sound. I am despondent at times. I bask in the sunlight of my kitchen floor for solace. I daydream to pretend. I bike to feel fast. I cry to let go. I am alive, but only in Him. He is my rock, my hope, my depth, my sanity, my eternity, my peace, my challenge, my redeemer, my victory, my need,my future, my everything!!!

I read something like this a long time ago, I thought I would make my own!
It's been awhile...

I should write on here more often.
-Kirsten