I remember growing up and always having a sort of resentment towards my parents. It wasn't always this way, like when I was a kid my dad was the greatest dad in the world, and my mom was the most perfect mother that there was. I don't know when it all changed, but I started to lose respect for them and their opinions, I was so disrespectful even when outwardly I acted respectful. I remember sitting in the living room and telling them everything I hated about them and how I just can't wait to get out of there.
I remember this one day my dad took me with him on one of his usual hikes, and we got into an argument with him about something or another, I told him he was so prideful. I wont ever forget the look on his face when I said that, he just looked back at me and said "oh you think I am prideful, huh?" I think we ended up settling our issue before we left and even made a detour to Dairy Queen on the way home, but even as I liked my dipped cone of victory I remember thinking he wasn't the prideful one, it was me.
I remember the fights and the arguments, I remember so many of the horrid thoughts, I can't forget the terrible intentions I had towards my very own parents. Tonight I was kept awake thinking about all of these things, and suddenly as if a veil was lifted or the story was finally told in full, I saw it and I felt it. Like a rush of rapids flowing into my very being so I felt a pure love for my parents. I cried thinking of all the beautiful moments that I missed so caught up in my delusion of bitterness.
I was so overwhelmed with love for my dad, how humble he is. He is always serving and giving of himself, and he never asks for anything, just love. I can remember the times he would come into my room and wake me up by rubbing my back and asking if I wanted some pancakes. I think of the twenty mile bike ride we went on, just the two of us, and we stopped on this bridge that was above all the trees and it was so narrow. On that day I declared that my favorite spot in the entire world (that I have seen so far). I think about all the nights he tucked me in and spread my little blanket over me and gave me whiskers. I even remember when my sister and I were supposed to be taking our nap we would stay awake talking about how much we loved dad. I think of the times my mom would yell at him and later I would find him laying on their bed and he was so hurt. He wasn't so prideful that he couldn't show emotion, ya know? I even remember the time my mom was going to leave us, and my sister and my dad and I sat in the living room and he gently told us that he loved us, and that everything is going to be ok, and to not worry about a thing. I remember believing him in that moment, I was so safe with my dad. I am so safe with my dad.
Oh and my mother, we have had our fair share of intense moments, but then again we have had such wonderful ones too. I notice one thing about me that is odd, I share all of my mothers favorites. Our favorite animal is a koala bear, and our favorite smell is eucalyptus, and our favorite color is green, I think I do this so I can feel closer to her. Even with my dad I love Alfred Hitchcock because we watched so many of his films together, just him and I. I love writing because my dad was in journalism for awhile, I even love photography because he took pictures. When I have my own car I will change the oil myself because he showed me how, and when I have my own lawn I will mow the yard (I would always do the back and he would do the front).
I don't know if it is the Christmas air that has got me thinking about my family so much, but I do know that for the first time since I was maybe 8, I felt a pure deep and irrevocable love and appreciation for my beloved parents. I miss them, finally I really miss them, after being on my own for 2 years, I have an ache in my stomach to be held by my dad and listen to my mom hum as she cooks. I have always loved them, and I think it is time I show them my affection in a more tangible way.
Don't get me wrong, it hasn't always been resentment and bitterness all these years, but I think even one day of ill advances towards my selfless and admirable parents would still have been altogether undeserved and utterly ridiculous.
