sun or sleep

I couldn't get to bed last night. I sat there, sleep and even tiredness had abandoned me. I was left, just me and my clock, to wait for an intervention, whether that meant sun or sleep.
I am not so blessed to have patience as a virtue. I will not, however, give up trying to obtain it. So as the red numbers stared at me, switching ever so slowly, I felt frustration grip the inside of my stomach.
I know!! I must try to relax and think of nothing, that should help. So I switch sides, putting my stubborn clock to my back, and try to lay as still as possible. I deepen my breathing, and pretend relaxation is overcoming me. It starts at my toes, creeps up to my heels, into my ankles, and through my shins. I think of my body sinking deeper into the mattress with each exhale, as the weight of relaxation calls to tired to come back.
The surest way to insure that tiredness will not come, is to think of him. Now that I look back, I see this is in fact where I went wrong. For just when relaxation was numbing my shoulders, I thought of tired, and that is indeed when he ran away from me for the second time.
I try to win the battle against my clock and not look at him, but of course in my undeniable defeat, I face him and his mocking red numbers ablaze that read 3:26. I sigh, completely beside myself in frustration, and then it happened, something I haven't done since I was a small child, completely forgotten in it's on little world. It brought a wave of nostalgic pleasure into my heart, in turn making me smile.
When I was a little girl, I had a yellow baby blanket. It even had a zipper, so that you could make it into a sleeping bag, should I wish it. Around the edges was stitched thick durable white lace. My dad would tuck my sister, Courtney, and I in for bed at night, and I remember he would always spread my yellow blanket over me.
My dad did this thing where he would rub his cheek on ours, so that we could feel his whiskers like sandpaper against our skin. Courtney and I loved getting whiskers before bed, after that Courtney would contentedly pacify her thumb and drift right to sleep. When I was on the verge of sleep I would always grab the corner of my yellow blanket and rub it between my fingers as my cheek tingled from my dad's whiskers.
Last night in my desperate fight to sleep I subconsciously grabbed the corner of my comforter and started to rub it between my fingers just like when I was little. When I realized it, a flood of childhood memories came back to me. I lay there in the sweetness of my treasured times, remembering when it was all so simple. It was almost tangible, my childhood, and then I finally fell asleep as my clock, defeated, blinked 4:00.
I should like to find my yellow blanket, so that when I have children, I will have something to cover my little daughter with. I smile thinking about this, and now, I feel I am in need of a nap.